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| DELETED |
 Posted: Wed Apr 16, 2003 4:02 pm |
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Certain conditions that are sometimes present in groups can lead individuals to experience a psychological state of deindividuation, a feeling that they have lost their personal identities and merged anonymously into the group. This may lead to impulsive, uncivilized behavior.
The following factors lead to reduced self-awareness.
- Anonymity
- high level of emotional arousal
- focus on external events and
- close group unity
Reduced self-awareness often also means reduced self-control. This gives the individual:
- weakened restraints against impulsive behavior,
- increased sensitivity to external cues and current emotional states,
- inability to monitor or regulate own behavior,
- lessened concern about evaluation from others
- lessened ability to plan rationally.
These are factors that improve the ability and willingness to participate in group sex. Organizing a sex orgy, you should therefore try to create deindividuation in the participants.
There are too many tricks in this article. Use only what you need. Less is more.
Inviting to an orgy
Most people really want to have group sex, but more or less conscious mental barriers stop them from going for what they want. Help them. Make the barriers easy to break. This includes both the barriers against joining the orgy and the barriers against doing more and more delightful things when they have started.
People both need and want you to persuade them to come to an orgy. Here are some arguments you can use. They should be said in a calm, soft voice that gives the impression of safety and seriousness.
-When you are old and think back to your life, do you think you will be happy about not participating in an orgy when you had the chance?
-Do as you like. Join us, or spend the rest of your life wondering about what could have happened if you had the courage to do it.
-Of course it is scary! I also think so. Everybody thinks so. But is that not just another reason to do it?
-What do you got to lose? I mean, you can just leave the orgy if you don?t like it.
Of course, no one is going to leave the orgy. This is just an argument to make them want to come. Those who have never been to an orgy cannot know what it is like. When they are there, they will probably give in to carnal lust like everybody else. For this reason you should let people come to the event even if they beforehand declare that they are not going to do too much.
It takes a bit of courage to invite people to an orgy. Do it anyway. You could send out written invitations if you prefer not to speak with them about it. It?s amazing how positive people react. Probably they will feel flattered because you invite them. Those who do not come are usually too polite to ever mention it to you. If someone contacts you to tell you that they are not coming, they show that they are interested enough to talk about it. They probably really want to go and just need you to persuade them.
To make the event take off, there should be about the same number of male and female participants. My limited experience indicates that men are more likely to tell you that they are coming, but women are more likely to actually show up. Therefore, make sure that there is about 10% more men than women signed up beforehand. Be careful about inviting couples. Only one partner of a couple need not be a problem, to the orgy, but having both partners present may create intrigues, especially if they never joined group sex before. Intrigues are very destructive to the orgy.
If you live in a non-English speaking country, it might be a good idea to invite someone who does not speak the language, so that everybody must speak English. A change of language makes people feel alienated from themselves, and makes them feel more free. Eventually you could invite someone who is new to everybody else, and make this person impose as a foreigner.
Something to blame
Many people have an inflexible self-concept that stops them from joining the fun. Give them an excuse, and they will let go. People may feel more free after drinking only a little alcohol, as any behavior can then be explained with just being drunk. People both want and need an outer factor that they can use to justify to themselves that they are in fact partaking in group sex. It is incredible what works. For example, you can pretend to put everybody in a ?trance?, or you can tell them that they are performing certain parts from an old Egyptian fertility rite. Or tell them that you performed this rite in the room before they arrived.
Of course, it works very well to let the participants drink alcohol. Alcohol is easy to blame, and in addition, critical thoughts are silenced while the sex drive is amplified. BUT: too much alcohol can destroy everything. Drunken people often behave badly, and that may make other people leave. In addition, alcohol destroys the endurance, and drunken people are less able to enjoy the orgy.
Progress slowly
To help people overcome their mental barriers, you should make sure that progression is slow. Everybody must want to go further some time before they actually do. Every step should be so little that even the least eager thinks it?s okay. If someone leaps right to the action, for example goes directly from massage to penetration, others may start to think ?hey, this is all wrong! I don?t want to do that!? Participants who rush destroy for everybody else. The whole group should be doing the same sort of things at the same time. Encourage the slowest. Hold back the quickest. Even if everybody are ready to go straight to the action, you should hold back. The longer you hold back the sexual energy, the stronger it will be when you let it loose.
The different levels of group sex can be organized like this:
-Holding hands. Arms around each other.
-Touching each other outside the clothes. Massage.
-Light kissing.
-Deep kissing. Hands inside the clothes, but no touching of genitals.
-Touching intimate places. Partly undressing.
-Full undressing.
-Oral sex.
-Penetration.
It is not allowed to be more that one level ahead of the least daring in the group. So, it is okay to massage each other while everybody else is holding hands, but it is not okay to kiss.
Do not believe in this form. I only made it up to show what I mean when I say that everybody must be at more or less the same level at the same time.
If someone starts to rush, calm the person down by holding firmly and non-sexually around him or her, and whisper that he or she must wait for the others to get ready. Do not in any way make this person feel guilty.
At some point, unexpected things will start to happen. Let them happen. Do not disturb the group unless something or someone is threatening the entire orgy.
Starting activities
Begin by defining a security code of some kind. For example, let the word ?break? mean ?calm down, I do not want to do this with you?. Emphasize the importance of taking this seriously. This will make people feel safe and relax, which will make them more daring later.
You might start with playing some games. Laughing together makes people ease up and creates a friendly atmosphere. Use games that for example includes catching each other, being blindfolded and holding hands. Do not use games in which the losers must go out. That would only make them passive.
Continue by for example collective whispering of a mantra, chanting, heavy breathing, making one sound each etc.
Use physical motion and voice exercises to stimulate the breath and the blood circulation. This will create a physiological state often associated with sexual arousal. Depending on the situation, this may lead people to want sex more. If you let them close their eyes, they will become more sensitive to bodily contact. Having the eyes closed also makes what happens here and now seem more important, and one becomes more courageous.
During the whole start, you should keep them active, so that they don?t think of what they do. Always enforce the attitude ?we do this together, this is collective thing.? Avoid using people?s names. Tell the group beforehand that they should avoid splitting into couples. Tell them that if a couple is alone, someone should join them. This is a collective thing.
You want what you cannot have. Therefore, it can be smart to use some way of limiting the group in the beginning. For example, you may start with separating men and women in two different groups. Not so fun while being separated, but a lot fun afterwards. Or you can let them stand in a circle and hold each other. You decide where people stand. This will stop people from going directly over to the person they want most. This you can also do to limit especially active individuals.
Some of these exercises may seem stupid, but they work.
You do not need to plan an ending, as the orgy will sooner or later end by itself.
Leaving the orgy
Man is a flock animal, and your instinct tells you to follow the group. If nobody else is leaving, you probably don?t dare to leave either. When someone else walks away, leaving is ?allowed?. One person walking away can therefore cause more people to leave. Many people leaving gives the impression that ?the normal reaction to this sex orgy thing is leaving?. And that?s destructive! Therefore, avoid at all cost the situation when someone leave.
If you beforehand think someone is really uneasy about the situation and is likely to walk away, it could be wise to expel this person. This way you stop him or her from fleeing later on. You also reinforce people?s fear of being the first one that leaves. Few wants to be like the one you expelled. People that REALLY do not get the concept of group sex should also be expelled even after the orgy has started. Expelling people is not the same as allowing others to leave.
When the serious activities have started, people may leave without causing great harm.
Some words on practical matters
Entering an orgy should be as walking into a world where the usual norms for acceptable behavior is set aside. Help the participants to get the feeling of lust. If possible, choose a place that nobody will enter before the orgy begins. Walking into the room will then be the same as entering this other world. Create a small ritual for people entering the room. Do not allow small talk in the room where the group sex shall be performed. To make the place seem like another world, you should stimulate as many senses as possible. Give them something to eat or drink shortly after entering the room. Use incense or some things that smell good. The place should be warm and pleasant. Provide suitable music. Cover or remove all furniture that is not going to be used in the orgy. You may decorate the room so that it hints about what is going to happen, but don?t be to direct. Do not show condoms or advanced toys early in the session. You may want something soft on the floor. Lower the lightening, but think twice before using candles. They create a good atmosphere, but people will be afraid of setting the place on fire or get stains on their clothes. This will stop them from having fun.
People who do not participates in the orgy should not be allowed to come and look (they may try!). You should have drinking water in the room, and it should be possible to rest some minutes before rejoining. Toilet paper should be in the room. Condoms should also be accessible. Both because it may save somebody from HIV, and because it makes people feel safer. Everybody should know where the toilet is. You should ask them to go to the toilet before the orgy starts. This is to hinder that people goes to the toilet at an early stage, allowing others to walk away.
If the weather is nice, you can of course have an orgy in the nature, and this may give an extra touch of savage, primitive energy. Cold temperature, however, may destroy everything.
Orgies should be held late in the night. Then people have calmer energy, and are more in the mood for pleasure. Eventually, it might also work early in the morning.
The participants need to take off all watches, glasses, rings, necklaces etc. This is to prevent people from hurting each other and because personal objects will remind them about themselves. People should also in the beginning use other clothes than they normally wear. Preferably in uniform colors. And it is VERY effective to let them use masks, preferably masks not covering the mouth. These are effective methods to lower the self-consciousness and strengthen the group feeling.
Roles to fill
Most orgies need a leader in the beginning. The leader should have everybody?s confidence. He should seem trustworthy and act as if he has control. The leader?s tasks are to initiate activities, bring shy people into the group and hold back the most eager people.
You may decide to use provocateurs to make people more daring. A provocateur is a person who is instructed to behave ?correctly?, to push the group in the right direction. The provocateur should have been to an orgy before, have read this article and be informed about all plans for the evening. The provocateur should pose as a normal participant to increase the effect. The provocateur should try to include shy people. If you use lots of provocateurs, it might be possible to transform an average party into a ?spontaneous? orgy.
Have a concept
You should try to make the modern sex orgy an aesthetic event, to avoid the porn feeling. Have a concept. What is this orgy? Is it esthetic and sensual? Or is it a cool party? Or an expression of raw, sexual lust? Or the worshipping of some ancient god? Or a magical ritual?
When you invite people, build the place, make the dress code and plan the activities, bear the concept in mind. How is it reflected in the way you plan the event? Any particular colors? What kind of music does this demand? Does the concept suggest any particular type of food? What is suitable to say and do? The concept may change after the event has started.
A warning
Group sex is immoral. Participation in group sex can make people question traditional values. Let this article be a warning about what you should not do. Knowledge about group sex can prevent such things from happening to you. You should also know that the use of some of the techniques described is illegal in some countries. |
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| DELETED |
| Posted: Wed Apr 23, 2003 12:32 pm |
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Thanks Lars for a very ambitious article! You really cover a lot of differnt aspects.
I think a lot of these ideas can be applied to participatory culture in general. In order for pepole to immerse in interactive theatre or -art they need to step out of their social context.
I'm really curious to share fantasies and experiences concerning group sex, and other sensual adventures, with members of the forum.
I know that there are several open, or secret, clubs in Stockholm which frollic in group sex. But I am hesitant to visit one since I fear that the atmosphere will be sloppy and sleezy. I'm a fan of old houses in the country-side and pics-nic's out in the green.
But Lars, I could have done without the disclaimer. Why pretend that you think it's immoral and illegal? |
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| DELETED |
| Posted: Tue Apr 26, 2005 7:55 am |
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| Holy smoke! About the only good thing about my job is that it gives me lots and lots of time to browse odd forums, and lo and behold, what interesting tidbits you can find lodged in the drain. This article is absolutely lovely, but I lack parts about the "sexual alter ego" (again, it is amazing what you learn in psych class) and "deresponsibilisation" (now how's that for a word!). Was I into group sex I could write these parts, but alas, I'm not. Perhaps one day I will tire of (not from, mind you) normal (in a statistical sense) sex, but given the current state of affairs it doesn't seem likely. |
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| DELETED |
| Posted: Fri May 27, 2005 11:38 am |
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http://www.reydelespacio.com/follartour/follartour.html
The "Follartour" (translated as something like "Fucktour").
Something like an organiced huge orgy which will take place Madrid (inside a building, not in the streets). Everybody is accepted, as long as you pay the entrance. What future do you expect for this kind of events? |
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| Kret |
| Posted: Thu Sep 01, 2005 10:31 pm |
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Quote: Why pretend that you think it's immoral and illegal?
I personally didn't find that pretending. It is immoral, and You have an explanation for that - " Participation in group sex can make people question traditional values". And it might also be illegal in some countries. None of these two is to me a sign of false prudence. After all, it might be illegal and immoral and still be fun.
Best regards
Kret |
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| DELETED |
| Posted: Fri Dec 30, 2005 5:12 pm |
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Kret wrote: Quote: Why pretend that you think it's immoral and illegal?
I personally didn't find that pretending. It is immoral, and You have an explanation for that - " Participation in group sex can make people question traditional values". And it might also be illegal in some countries. None of these two is to me a sign of false prudence. After all, it might be illegal and immoral and still be fun.
Best regards
Kret
Besides, Morality is a socially constructed idea, used by people and groups in positions of power (mostly religious) to control people's most private activities. Therefore something can be "immoral", yet also natural and good.
I found the article very interesting, yet also quite strange. I think I'd be a bit uneasy about persuading people to do something they seemed uncomfortable with, and using such techniques (which seem similar to cult brainwashing) to get them to do them. I also don't like the idea that there is one person who is in control of the orgy and orchastrates the activities of what is a very personal thing (ie. people's sexuality). I also don't like how you feel the need to seperate male and female, assuming that it's all going to be totally heterosexual.
I have been to a few sex parties, which have always been very fun and worked in a very different way to what you've described. There was always a big emphasis on individual respect and boundries, as well as different spaces for different activities (s&m room, exhabitionist room, women only room, chill out space etc). In this way everyone gets what they need out of the party, which I think is more important than trying to have a collective experiance (in terms of sex, anyway). Different people have different fantasies and a sex party is a way for people to live these out in a safe, controlled way. |
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